Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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