My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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