Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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