I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
