My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
