he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
