If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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