I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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