you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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