I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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