It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found the puke drawer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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