i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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