How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
