I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
