You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
