You just made me feel so damn special
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
