I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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