I am puke
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
