Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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