and she was petting her beer can
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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