I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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