i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
