so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
