I think my vagina is haunted
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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