I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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