Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
