a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
