Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
