my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I look better un-naked...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
