Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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