If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My feet surprised me
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