Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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