Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
