I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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