Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
