i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
