She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
