Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
