my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my poor anus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
