Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
