I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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