All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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