I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
