Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
