I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
