I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
