i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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