just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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