I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
