Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
