Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
